EVANESCENCE

by Aldip, Edding, Carillo, Gerodiaz, Supremo

I was not told that the underground had married Boy to Bel. Maita remained silent about her knowledge of the Underground's involvement in Boy's deception within the family, despite her deep involvement in the organization.

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Boy’s disillusionment with guerrilla life, contrasting his previous military leadership experiences with mundane patrols in UP, led to frustration. Upon his return from China, he found the guerrilla lifestyle lacked the romanticized elements he anticipated. His frantic search for Bel upon her disappearance from their camp underscored his disorientation and dissatisfaction. Maita recalled Boy’s ability to connect with farmers due to his mixed heritage and familiarity with the local dialect, facilitating his understanding of the terrain. 

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Subsequently, Boy’s establishment of a store within the guerrilla front, contrary to organizational directives, caused tension and undermined Maita’s authority. Ultimately, Boy's arrest in 1982 prompted family gatherings and revealed further discord within their circle.

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But I did not witness any of these events that happened in Rizal. I was in Davao City restarting my own family and community life. One day, at the Konsumo Dabaw’s large meeting hall along Magallanes Street, I met a woman who introduced herself as Coring. She said that the UG wanted to know why they weren’t informed of my move to Davao. I told her the truth: “I did not know I had to”, and “I did not know where Boy was.”

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I told her I wanted to be left alone.

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Later, a man introduced himself as a lieutenant in the military in the living room of my parent's house on Santa Ana Avenue. He showed me pictures of my missing spouse in a rural setting with a woman I did not recognize.

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I then remembered when Vin Toledo first confirmed that Boy had an extramarital liaison with his then-secretary, Bel (also spelled Belle) Suarez, I went to the DAP and started asking questions. I learned that Boy had a new secretary but I did not have a chance to talk to her. I would learn more about Bel when I returned to Davao and got involved in training at DAP Mindanao. Bel was reassigned to the DAP Mindanao office in Davao City. That is why I could not recognize her in the pictures.

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My interview with Coring and later with the lieutenant left me very depressed. I brought my children to my hometown in order to carve out a new life for us. I did not want the pretend life that we had in Manila. The only thing I brought with us was a note that said nothing more than that he was all right and ended with “Mabuhay ang rebolusyon.” Nothing from Boy.

I took the first opportunity to get out of the country when I flew to San Francisco where I stayed with my friend and sorority sister, Gloria Reyes. I lived in her house for a few months that summer. I walked and walked in the streets and parks until one day, I woke up and I was not crying anymore.
 
I then went to Reno with my aunt Norma who was a resident of Los Angeles with the intention of securing divorce papers, but I realized that the papers were no good in the Philippines. I got no response on my petition for church annulment that I tried to secure at home with the help of my Dad.. Apparently, the marriage tribunal was in recess because the priest in charge got married.

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At the end of summer, I took a Greyhound bus to the forested northern mountains of Canada, crossing Victoria towards Calgary, and stayed a week with my sister and her family. I was lost in my head with too many puzzles I could not solve. I misplaced my passport but luckily got it back from the restaurant owner who found my handbag—-perhaps a sign to stop struggling and let things be. When I returned home to the Philippines, I left my much younger and vulnerable self in that windy bay.